Every year I played host. And I loved it.
Pumpkin carving parties for Halloween.
Thanksgiving dinner for family and any friends without a place to go.
Holiday happy hours and Christmas gatherings.
But not this year.
There were no pumpkins or festive fall decorations carefully placed around my home.
There won’t be a Christmas tree or lights to hang.
There won’t be a yearly picture collage Christmas card to send.
There won’t be quiet evenings lying in front of the fire place with a glass of wine, soft music, laughter and conversation about our day or our future.
No, not this year.
So much has changed. And while I can’t speak for him, I know I’ve changed. Not in the “I don’t recognize you anymore” sense… But in the “Aha! There you are!” sense.
I’m more me than I’ve been in years and it feels good. But there is also an ache. A longing for companionship, intimacy, inside jokes and shared dreams.
Some may say going to Bali is running away. But let me be clear, I don’t run. From anything. I’m a Scorpio. I dig deep. Even when shit is hard and uncomfortable. That’s where I thrive.
I was asked why I chose Bali and why I’m going alone.
Because I can. Because I seek adventure. Because I crave new experiences. Because I actually enjoy hanging out with myself and I’m not scared to discover more of who I am and see what else is hiding within the confines of my soul. Because I love myself enough to know when I need to honor my heart and allow it to soar. Because I’m a free-spirited, type A anomaly that doesn’t play by the rules. Because if you’re going to do something, go big!
Yes, this year is different. But so am I.
Yes, I’m alone. But I’m not lonely.
– Sheree Trask